HOW TO BUY JEWELRY FOR HER!
That cute chick behind the jewelry counter at the department store may be a
sight for your sore eyes, but her taste is probably all in her mouth-not to
mention the ball that she had her tongue pierced with. It is much safer to find
a middle-aged or matronly sales person if you sink to the department store
route. At least a woman with experience will help you pick out something with a
decent sales commission attached. Youíre in much safer water here, pal.
Please, please, please do not fall for the fatal two routes that follow. If you do, never mention my name. My life insurance wonít cover this disaster.
Never, never, never buy Her a gift certificate. This is an admission of guilt, laziness, and stupidity. It says: "I canít pick out jewelry. I donít know what you like, I donít think about your likes and dislikes. I donít have time to waste in jewelry stores. I am too insecure in my masculinity to stand at a jewelry counter and appear to understand what the salesperson is saying. Some of my buds might see me there. I donít know if your ears are pierced or not."
Never, never, never steal one of Her sets of earrings you think she hasnít worn in several years and try to give it to Her as new. Women have the ability to remember the exact earrings, brooch, dress, shoes, underwear, and color of eye shadow they wore on the date you saw "Die Hard" the second time. Remember, women never forget.
When the need arises to buy Her jewelry, suck it up and do the manly thing. When you figure out what that is, please write and tell me. Iím in the same boat, amigo.
P.S. Does anyone know if my wifeís ears are pierced?
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